no words

[gilana]

My mom called me right before shabbos to tell me that my cousin Joy had died Thursday night. She's not a first cousin -- I'm not actually sure what the relationship is, other than that she's on my dad's side. I was just starting to really get to know her and she was a really amazing person -- positive in the fact of incredible difficulty, funny, sweet, thoughtful, interested in everyone around her. She had been fighting cancer for the second time, after surviving breast cancer many years ago, while also caring for her husband Danny, who just died of a brain tumor in June. I've been connecting some with her son, Barry, in the past year or two -- he's about my age and also a geek, and we email occasionally. So my issue now is, I feel like I should write to him, but what on earth can I possibly say to someone whose parents have both died in less than a year? How can any words possibly be adequate?

No hugs for me, please, but if anyone has any useful thoughts on what I can say, I'd love to hear it. I never wrote when his dad died because I couldn't think of anything to say, and I don't want to make that mistake a second time.

Comments

[lara68.livejournal.com]

you could say that he's in your thoughts and that you're sorry for his losses, and that you wish there was something better you could say.

that's probably what i would say. and then i would feel like a dork. but it would be better than feeling like a jerk, which is how i would feel if i said nothing.