no words

[gilana]

My mom called me right before shabbos to tell me that my cousin Joy had died Thursday night. She's not a first cousin -- I'm not actually sure what the relationship is, other than that she's on my dad's side. I was just starting to really get to know her and she was a really amazing person -- positive in the fact of incredible difficulty, funny, sweet, thoughtful, interested in everyone around her. She had been fighting cancer for the second time, after surviving breast cancer many years ago, while also caring for her husband Danny, who just died of a brain tumor in June. I've been connecting some with her son, Barry, in the past year or two -- he's about my age and also a geek, and we email occasionally. So my issue now is, I feel like I should write to him, but what on earth can I possibly say to someone whose parents have both died in less than a year? How can any words possibly be adequate?

No hugs for me, please, but if anyone has any useful thoughts on what I can say, I'd love to hear it. I never wrote when his dad died because I couldn't think of anything to say, and I don't want to make that mistake a second time.

Comments

[lifecollage.livejournal.com]

If you're comfortable doing so, just let him know that you're there, and you're thinking of him, and that if he needs/wants to talk, you're available. Any time I've been grieving a loss, I just needed to know that folks were there if I felt the need to talk or have a hug or whatever. I usually restricted that to the folks closest to me, but knowing that others were thinking of me reminded me of all I had left. A connection to the world of the living while faced with death.

Best of luck and hugs on general principle.