(no subject)

[gilana]

One of the people I deal with in Marketing died Thursday. She was 20 weeks pregnant with twin boys; I don't know the details, but it sounds like the fetuses died, she went in for a D&C, and her heart stopped. She had a husband and a 3 year old daughter. She was 38. I didn't know her well, but it's still pretty awful.

They had a "non-denominational" service in the chapel in the building this morning. I was a little worried about what they might mean by non-denominational, but I wanted to go to pay my respects. Big mistake. As soon as I walked into the chapel, past the bowls of holy water and into the room filled with candles and crucifixes, I started to get uncomfortable. A priest came in wearing a collar and a white robe, which did not make me feel any better. He led a moment of silence and then a prayer ending with something about Christ.

By then I was starting to cry, not because of Tomoko's death, but because I was so uncomfortable. He announced that they would read from the Gospels, and I got up and ran for it. Luckily I was seated on the end of a row on the side of the chapel, so I think my exit was reasonably discreet, but I still feel kind of bad about it. I didn't want people to think I didn't care, but it felt so incredibly WRONG to me to be there that I just couldn't take it. I hate to make it about me when it should have been about her, but there just comes a point when you have to take care of yourself. Sigh.

Comments

[sandhawke.livejournal.com]

mr. insensitive question:

why does it bother you? i've sat through numerous religious services of all sorts, none of which I believed in. sometimes it was interesting, often it was boring, but no worse than being lectured by some very-annoying-person at some social gathering.

this sounds like it was very different for you. how so? i'm not aware of a jewish law against watching an activity of some other religion, or even against sitting next to someone practicing some other religion. i guess there might be an anti-closet rule that says you can't do anything where you might be thought to be worshiping in some other religion... is that it?

[gilana]

I'm not sure why it bothered me so much, I 'm trying to figure that out. After all, I'm fine with singing a Mass myself -- why is this so different?

There is in fact a Jewish law (or maybe custom, not sure of the strength of the prohibition) against even entering a church of another religion, but I've done that many times for non-religious events and been ok with it. Although crosses do always make me uncomfortable.

I think some of it is the perception and expectation; being Jewish is so important to me, I wouldn't want to be expected to participate in a Christian ceremony, or have anyone think I'm Christian. That probably shouldn't matter to me so much, but it does.

Some of it might just be a knee-jerk reaction, that it was so very Christian and I was brought up to believe very strongly that Christianity is wrong. I got past that to the point where I'm fine with other people practicing Christianity, but it feels intensely wrong at a deep level *for me*.

And some of it was probably brought up by all the hubbub about Mel's movie. Sitting there looking at Jesus on a cross and thinking that some people blame me for that was pretty uncomfortable. In fact, I noticed on the way out a pile of postcards promoting the movie, which disturbed me even more.

[lara68.livejournal.com]

as a christian (of sorts), i would like to apologize for mr. gibson, whose antics i find hostile and deeply embarrassing.

[dpolicar]

I hate to make it about me when it should have been about her
You may be beating yourself up without cause here. Death rituals are primarily about the living. If the ritual excludes you and you walk away from it, that says something about your relationship to the other participants, but I'm fairly certain Tomoko could care less.

minor grammatical peeve :)

[quietann.livejournal.com]

I'm fairly certain Tomoko could care less.

..."could not care less"... and I'd agree with you.

[mycroft.livejournal.com]

There is a similar effect where Caucasian people feel personally responsible for the atrocities and hardships of African people related to the slave trade. The thing is, most people today had nothing to do with that. Yes, we can recognize that something that happened 100 (or 2000) years ago was wrong, but there is nothing we can do to change it. We're all* just trying to get through life the best we can now.

OTOH, it would help if y'all got rid of that part about smiting all the non-Jews. It's pretty offensive.

* Which is not to say there aren't actual scumbags in the world.