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Got home to a message from the realtor that Emad was willing to give it to us for $1350 if we could get him the first month's rent by Saturday. Frankly, I'm amazed. Anne had said somewhere in the middle of the mess earlier that she'd be willing to go up to $625, so I thought great, we're set! Went and told her.
She said no.
Managed just barely to keep from banging my head against a wall and screaming.
She said after talking to her mother, she had realized that paying the realtor's fee in effect raised the rent even more, so now she wasn't willing to go up to the $625.
I really really REALLY wanted to scream at her for constantly changing the rules on me and screwing me out of a fabulous apartment. I actually did start to bang my head against the wall, but caught myself and said, relatively calmly, "I have to go think" and walked out.
Came into my room, threw myself on my bed, screamed into a pillow. Calmed down, went to the computer and did some math. I really don't want to go up to $750 a month myself. I don't know why, but it feels like making that decision at this point in the process, I'd begrudge it to her, and I don't want to live with someone that way. If she'd be willing to sign for $600 but not at $625, then the difference is only $300 over the course of a year. I've already put down a $200 deposit, which is already gone to me, so it's easier to deal with than future money.
I went back to her and suggested that we apply my $200 (to her share of the signing amounts, thus getting rid of 2/3 of the difference between the $600 and $625, and if necessary find a way to make the other $100 go away later.
As I was trying to explain my theory about the $300, it became obvious that she was having a lot of trouble with all the math involved in making this decision; not that she can't do the arithmetic, but that the situation was really freaking her out and making her have trouble reasoning anything out. So G-d only knows how, but I managed to stay calm and help her figure it out for herself, and talk about the sacrifices in lifestyle she'd have to make for the money vs the ones she'd make to find a place she could afford but would hate living in.
She was uncomfortable with me paying more than her, even though I get a larger room, so I suggested that she be responsible for a few chores like taking out the garbage (which I hate dealing with and let her do most of the time anyway, but feel guilty about). That seemed to work for her. Oh, and she kept thanking me for being so understanding and helping her deal, which made me feel a little bad because I was actually furious at her for making me go through this when I'm so stressed myself, but at least I guess I hid it well.
She also wants to pay me back for the $200 deposit, which I think is funny because it's how I got her to rationalize going for it, but I can understand not wanting to feel like you owe someone something. So I said fine, but it can be $1 a month, I don't care.
Anyway, after about an hour of talking, I left a message on the realtor's phone, and hopefully today we'll go in and pay the first month's rent, and sign the lease early next week. I'm still a little afraid something will go wrong, but I'm feeling much more hopeful that I have been.
Time to pack now! At least I just have to get stuff around the corner -- I can just dump stuff in a granny cart and bring it over in small loads.
In hindsight, I'm pretty impressed with myself both for staying patient with her when I REALLY wasn't feeling like it, but especially for staying calm (ok, getting calmed down again) myself and exploring alternate solutions, especially when it involved math, which I generally hate. Look ma, growth!
Thanks so much to everyone for actually reading through all the crap I've been dumping and even offering helpful suggestions. I appreciate it more than you know. When we get settled in, you're definitely all invited to the housewarming!
She said no.
Managed just barely to keep from banging my head against a wall and screaming.
She said after talking to her mother, she had realized that paying the realtor's fee in effect raised the rent even more, so now she wasn't willing to go up to the $625.
I really really REALLY wanted to scream at her for constantly changing the rules on me and screwing me out of a fabulous apartment. I actually did start to bang my head against the wall, but caught myself and said, relatively calmly, "I have to go think" and walked out.
Came into my room, threw myself on my bed, screamed into a pillow. Calmed down, went to the computer and did some math. I really don't want to go up to $750 a month myself. I don't know why, but it feels like making that decision at this point in the process, I'd begrudge it to her, and I don't want to live with someone that way. If she'd be willing to sign for $600 but not at $625, then the difference is only $300 over the course of a year. I've already put down a $200 deposit, which is already gone to me, so it's easier to deal with than future money.
I went back to her and suggested that we apply my $200 (to her share of the signing amounts, thus getting rid of 2/3 of the difference between the $600 and $625, and if necessary find a way to make the other $100 go away later.
As I was trying to explain my theory about the $300, it became obvious that she was having a lot of trouble with all the math involved in making this decision; not that she can't do the arithmetic, but that the situation was really freaking her out and making her have trouble reasoning anything out. So G-d only knows how, but I managed to stay calm and help her figure it out for herself, and talk about the sacrifices in lifestyle she'd have to make for the money vs the ones she'd make to find a place she could afford but would hate living in.
She was uncomfortable with me paying more than her, even though I get a larger room, so I suggested that she be responsible for a few chores like taking out the garbage (which I hate dealing with and let her do most of the time anyway, but feel guilty about). That seemed to work for her. Oh, and she kept thanking me for being so understanding and helping her deal, which made me feel a little bad because I was actually furious at her for making me go through this when I'm so stressed myself, but at least I guess I hid it well.
She also wants to pay me back for the $200 deposit, which I think is funny because it's how I got her to rationalize going for it, but I can understand not wanting to feel like you owe someone something. So I said fine, but it can be $1 a month, I don't care.
Anyway, after about an hour of talking, I left a message on the realtor's phone, and hopefully today we'll go in and pay the first month's rent, and sign the lease early next week. I'm still a little afraid something will go wrong, but I'm feeling much more hopeful that I have been.
Time to pack now! At least I just have to get stuff around the corner -- I can just dump stuff in a granny cart and bring it over in small loads.
In hindsight, I'm pretty impressed with myself both for staying patient with her when I REALLY wasn't feeling like it, but especially for staying calm (ok, getting calmed down again) myself and exploring alternate solutions, especially when it involved math, which I generally hate. Look ma, growth!
Thanks so much to everyone for actually reading through all the crap I've been dumping and even offering helpful suggestions. I appreciate it more than you know. When we get settled in, you're definitely all invited to the housewarming!
